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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674606">Queen of the Night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_black_rose/pseuds/the_black_rose'>the_black_rose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Britannia to Caerleon [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Code Geass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arthurian Legend References, F/M, First Love, Hey look symbolism please don't hate me, Ignores R2 and everything after, Incestuous feelings between half-siblings, Young Love, euphemia pov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:15:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_black_rose/pseuds/the_black_rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'The Power of the Queen'. Concurrent to the events in 'In the Days I have Left'. </p><p>Euphemia POV: <i>When I chose to accept the Vice Governorship of Area 11, I had no idea that I would fall in love.  </i></p><p>
  <i>I had tried, all my life to be interested in someone. The girls at my school went on dates or had boyfriends. Most had already received their first kiss. They teased me about being prudish, but I had my share of…healthy thoughts about sex. I think the reason I didn't date was because part of me still mourned the loss of…too many.</i>
</p><p>  <i>If Lelouch asks me to choose…Choose to marry him or to stay by Suzaku's side… I don't think I can make that choice.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Euphemia li Britannia &amp; Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Euphemia li Britannia/Kururugi Suzaku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Britannia to Caerleon [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1633189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the first sequel to 'The Power of the Queen'. It picks up mostly where the end of OC!Marianne's narrative ended - with Euphemia and Suzaku biding their time in this place called "Camelot" - where Lelouch is meant to come (when he dies) and rule as King. This runs concurrent to the events in 'In the Days I have Left' (written from mostly Lelouch's POV). </p><p>Thank you to all who have read The Power of the Queen and/or In the Days I have Left. I hope you will enjoy the continuation as well. I appreciate your time investment and will not leave this arc / series unfinished. </p><p>Love,</p><p>~Rose</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <strong>Prologue</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I've known since I was a young girl that life doesn't just happen when the sun is shining. In fact, it needs the grey skies that come with the rain, and the darkness that accompanies the night as much as life needs bright, sunlit days.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Day…Night…Each one possesses its own allure. And I loved them both when I was still alive.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It's easy to see beauty in the daylight. I remember Aunt Marianne's garden, filled with a potpourri of color and flowers – white irises, purple sage, pink roses. Their fragrance – was the warm and comfortable smell of home for a good portion of my childhood. Marianne would also remind me when clouds and drizzle kept me inside - that the buds bloomed because there were days of rain as well as sun.</p><p>In the spring, after my mother died, my Aunt cultivated a moon garden as well - for remembrance, she said - where blossoms opened only once darkness fell…</p><p>As a child, I was afraid of the dark, I didn't like to go out after the sun set. Marianne's moon garden helped change that. She would take my hand, lead me into the yard, and she'd tell me that darkness had its own beauty – because it let us see the stars, and the flowers that wouldn't open in the sunlight.</p><p>The night blooming cereus was my favorite: large, fragrant, silvery white flowers reflected the moonlight; petals gleaming in the darkness. By morning, the flowers would begin to wither away, with only the solid stalks of the cactus left behind. Marianne's plants would bloom on three separate nights throughout the summer months. And we would keep track on a calendar, together - so we wouldn't miss their fleeting beauty.</p><p>I remember...Aunt Marianne said the plant was called: "Queen of the Night” - its blooms beautiful, fragile, and fleeting on a plant that was coarse, hardy and equipped to thrive in the desert.</p><p>In this time and place, I am still reminded of the differences and variations of life. Night, day, the changing seasons; evolving times. Growing older...</p><p>Days are amazing! Filled with warm, green eyes, the rush and activity of life…Strong arms, a gentle touch, someone by my side.</p><p>And then there is the night…</p><p>It seems odd, now, that as much as I feared the dark, I could fall in love with twilight. But, it was never the darkness I loved. It was the way the black and violet sky would reveal the bright pinpoints of light, the cool breeze slipping across my skin, his hand holding onto mine…The rare beauty of his smile.</p><p>My mother died when the world was dark. They took Lelouch and Nunally away while I was sleeping…</p><p>I learned early on to love all the different shades and colors of life - gold, for newness and innocence. Green - the vibrance and joy as love blooms and takes its form. Reddish brown for the grief of remembered love…</p><p>Sunlit days hold the cornerstones of our memories, experiences, and acquaintances.</p><p>But then night comes. And it is the darkest of these...</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <em> <strong>Preview to Chapter 1:</strong> </em>
</p><p>They tell me he arrives soon. The King of Camelot. I'm sure Marianne is proud her son will have such distinction. What mother wouldn't be pleased to have their son become a king?</p><p>Lelouch himself should be congratulated. Goodness knows he would never have gained such a position in Britannia had he remained after his mother's unfortunate death. I hope the sacrifices he's made along the way…I hope he considers them worthwhile.</p><p>Because I do not.</p><p>He paid a high price, but there were others surrendered, and he had no right to make that choice. Nunally, Suzaku, Shirley…Clovis. </p><p>Me.</p><p>For a long while, I couldn't forgive him…I still don't know that I can. But, it's harder to find compassion in the frigid and empty darkness than it is - as unfair as it seems…  It's easier to remember that I once loved Lelouch when I'm surrounded by Suzaku's warmth.</p><p>They tell me that I'm intended to be a Queen…</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. A Painful Choice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Rated M for references to incestuous feelings between half-siblings (Euphie and Lelouch), and this chapter has a short, but direct reference to a sexual relationship between Suzaku and Euphie. </p><p>Thank you so much for reading!<br/>Love,<br/>~Rose</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>Chapter 1</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> After all these years, I'm still afraid of the dark. The night I've been lost in has no stars, no colors…It was cold and frightening. And I was alone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I screamed for someone to find me. Cried for the voices to stop… Until they drowned out the sound of my voice… And killed the melody of life. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> They call me their Queen.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But this realm reeks of death and darkness. And I feel…Emptiness. Longing. There was something I once hoped for; people I wanted to help. But, it doesn't matter how much they cry… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can't save anyone anymore.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wonder that I ever could at all.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>They tell me he arrives soon. The King of Camelot. I'm sure Marianne is proud her son will have such distinction. What mother wouldn't be pleased to have their son become a king?</p><p>Lelouch himself should be congratulated. Goodness knows he would never have gained such a position in Britannia had he remained after his mother's unfortunate death. I hope the sacrifices he's made along the way…I hope he considers them worthwhile.</p><p>Because I do not.</p><p>He paid a high price, but there were others surrendered, and he had no right to make that choice. Nunally, Suzaku, Shirley…</p><p>Clovis. </p><p>Me.</p><p>For a long while, I couldn't forgive him…I still don't know that I can. But, it's harder to find compassion in the frigid and empty darkness than it is - as unfair as it seems…  It's easier to remember that I once loved Lelouch when I'm surrounded by Suzaku's warmth.</p><p>They tell me that I'm intended to be a Queen…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sun beamed down on Aunt Marianne’s garden, warming my skin until I felt the drops of perspiration slip down the sides of my face and drip onto my neck. I finished weaving the dandelions together into a loose, circular chain – then stood up to find my... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He sat on a thin blue blanket with his mom and Nunnally; Aunt Marianne held her young daughter in her lap and made silly faces. The peal of the girl’s giggles – I couldn’t help but feel like laughing myself. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I walked over to join the group, holding up the dandelion garland. "I made you a crown!" I grinned and placed the chain of flowers on top of his dark, unruly hair. Lelouch's head jerked up and he shot me a glare. My gift tumbled to the ground. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Girls wear those, not boys." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I fell to the ground and sat beside him. "But you always want to be king. I thought you'd like a crown." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He picked it up and scowled for a moment before holding it out to me. "It looks better on you." Lelouch handed the dandelion loop back to me. I decided to place it on my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Clovis says I'm only a princess.” I told Lelouch and sighed. “He says I’ll always be a princess.” I pulled a few blades of grass from the ground, remembering Clovis’s hateful, sing-song voice – telling me what I was ‘allowed’ to do.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And what I wasn’t.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But I thought in fairy tales, the princess becomes a queen?" I looked up and found Lelouch watching me. He adjusted the ‘crown’ on my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "There's too many princesses for all of them to be queen." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I looked down at the grass in my hands. "Oh." I opened my fingers to let the breeze sweep the blades from my palms. The gust of air brought the scent of jasmine and gardenias – and must have knocked the garland from my head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lelouch picked up the somewhat abused circle of flowers; he smiled and placed the little crown back on my head. "When I'm king, you can be the queen." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I remember being happy, then. I didn't truly know what it meant to be a queen, but I did know that the queen had to marry the king. And back then, I wanted more than anything to be his bride.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I remember kneeling on the grass, picking through clovers. I spoke to my younger half-sister and couldn’t help but frown: "But Nunally, you can't be Lelouch's bride. I already-" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "No!" Nunnally threw her plastic shovel. "You can't be Lil-oosh. You can't be his bride. I will!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Girls, you shouldn't fight.” Aunt Marianne called from where she was trimming her rose bushes. She tucked her gardening shears back into the pocket of a wide belt she wore over her ankle-length skirt. Her dark hair was the same color as Lelouch’s - but long and wavy. She wore it back in a low-ponytail when she gardened.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “There are plenty of boys out there. And marriage is a serious decision.” She knelt and picked up her daughter. “You're both too young to think about such things." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "But, Aunt Marianne," I whined. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You especially, Euphemia.” She looked down at me, a strange expression on her features. “A beautiful girl like you, you'll have lots of boys wanting to make you a bride.” Her face relaxed into a smile.  “My advice is not to choose hastily." </em>
</p><hr/><p>I wonder if Marianne thinks I chose hastily in Suzaku? I catch the disapproving glances she throws his way.  I know he sees it, too. But I doubt he cares. I'm afraid he endured far worse in his other lifetime…</p><p>I have wondered from time to time if I would have fallen for my dedicated knight if I had known Lelouch was still alive. </p><p>My first love…<br/><br/></p><p>
  <em> I held out a wiry hairbrush to the dark haired boy that was my half-brother; he sat on the floor at the foot of the couch in his mother’s living room, a chessboard laid out on the coffee table in front of him. "You have to move."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He blinked violet eyes at the brush then looked up at me. His eyebrows pinched into a small frown. "Why?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Because there's no room to sit between you and the table." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lelouch glanced down at his game, then back at me. "Right?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "And you promised if I wore my hair down at my recital, you'd brush the knots out." I put a hand on my hip and leaned towards him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He sat back against the foot of the couch. "I didn't promise." He looked up at me, his chin jutted out and he crossed his arms against his small chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What a jerk! He did so! "I'll scatter your army with my brush." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Then I won't go to your recitals anymore,” he said and dropped his arms. He turned his attention to the black pawns on the game board. He tapped one finger on a crooked shaped piece. Like he was lost, once again, in the world of that game. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Lelouch!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He grinned and met my gaze. "Yes, princess?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I huffed and turned away from him. "I was going to have Cornelia put it up, until you asked me—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Then you should have told me no." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Lelouch…” I turned back to look at him. He was so frustrating! But...I just wanted him - his attention. Just for a little while… “It's hard to get all the knots out. Please?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He sighed, but rose from the floor to sit on the couch. I settled on the carpet in front of him. His fingers slipped in and out of the pieces of my hair, alternating with the feel of needles digging at my scalp.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I gasped and winced. Lelouch leaned over my shoulder. "Sorry, Euphie." He whispered against my ear.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I turned to look at him. He was so close…His eyes glittering with concern. It brought a warm feeling to my chest and I tried to smile. "It's ok. It always hurts like this." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "But I don't like hurting you." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I saw the same concern in Suzaku's eyes so many years later…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I couldn't stop myself from crying out. Suzaku lifted his head. Hooded green eyes stared down at me. His eyebrows rose. "Euphie?” He sounded breathless.  “Did I…Am I hurting you?" His voice was rough and rumbled deep in his chest. He brushed pieces of hair from my face.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I gave him a smile. The pain where he had entered my body had already begun to subside. And I could feel him...All of him. He surrounded me and filled me, and it made my heart feel like bursting. "I'm ok." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Are you sure?” His warm breath puffed against my cheek. “I can wait…" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I leaned up and planted a kiss on his lips. "I'm fine. I've heard…it always hurts a little…the first time." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His eyes grew wide, and he started to lift himself up - I felt cool air breathe against the skin of my chest.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Euphie, I…" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to where I could kiss him again. That must have convinced him I was ok, because his erection pushed inside me, again - his length filling a place I hadn't realized was empty. Our kiss broke. He began sliding out, and I felt like weeping. "Don't stop!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Suzaku chuckled. The sound, the act was soothing... I felt warm and safe and yet he made some other part of me burn. The scent of him... I could smell just a hint of spicy cologne mixed with the mint of his toothpaste and the light sense of his perspiration. He pressed his arousal deep inside me, again. Ooooooooh... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I don't think…” His voice hitched, and it made me smile. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I couldn’t if I wanted to, princess." </em>
</p><hr/><p>I realize, now, in this place Marianne called Camelot, that the mistake I made was trying to save Nunally without considering Lelouch's pride. The person he was, the person I believed him to be, would have taken love before pride…</p><p>But not this man that he's become. </p><p>Our King…</p><p>I wonder why he aims to have me as his Queen? Was it that promise so many years ago? I find that unlikely. Perhaps he isn’t the one who made the choice…But then what is the meaning behind Marianne's sharp looks?</p><p>When he arrives…I intend to tell him I refuse. I won’t be his Queen.</p><p>Despite my resolve, I dread this reunion – it will be so much different than the last.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He stood above me on the rocks jutting up from the beach – the masked person who called himself 'Zero'. He pointed a gun at me, and I remembered his promise to kill me if we met again. He said he'd kill me because, like Clovis, I was a child of the Britannian Emperor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Lelouch…" I couldn't stop the name from tumbling from my lips. "You are Lelouch, right?"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The gun wavered in the masked figure's hand. I knew it! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I didn't tell anyone. It's the truth." I pleaded with him. "That's why…before you shoot me, at least…” My heart pounded in my ears. My lost...Lelouch! He was alive! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Just let me see your face…"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He lowered the weapon and pulled off his mask. One hand rose to tear away the fabric still covering his mouth and chin. It had been so many years, and he'd only been ten-years-old when I last saw him. But the dark hair and violet eyes…  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My heart squeezed and soared.  I felt the urge to run to him, to bury my face in his chest, to feel his arms around me… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lelouch! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I was so happy that day to find him alive. I confess…I forgot all about Suzaku for the short time Lelouch and I spent together on that island…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Lelouch groaned in his sleep. One hand moved up to wipe across his brow. I tried to stay still while I let his head rest in my lap. He opened his eyes, blinked, and he met my gaze. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I felt my heart melt at the sight. I smiled, and he returned the gesture.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Is this a dream?" His voice sounded gravelly. He cleared his throat, and I waited for him to say something else. A piece of my hair caught on the breeze and danced in my face. Before I could catch it, his hand rose and brushed it aside.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> His knuckles grazed my forehead, then continued down my cheek. He tangled his fingers in my hair. </em>
</p><p>I covered his hand with mine…<br/><br/></p><p>I still loved him. But Lelouch and I were half-siblings. I know he didn't consider our father his, but I didn't think that mattered. We were still related… I told myself that I was pleased to see him as my long lost sibling. The same way I felt about Clovis or Schneizel...</p><p>I loved and was in love with my knight, Suzaku. Suzaku…who needed me, then, there - as much as I need him, here. Now. </p><p>I know that part of what drew me to him in the beginning was the resemblance he had to my memory of Lelouch. Obviously, not in a physical way as Suzaku was far more athletic than Lelouch could ever hope to be. They look…very different.</p><p>But they both had this fragility…A need to be loved, and a kindness that was willing to put another's heart before his own. Lelouch could be willful and temperamental, but when it came to Nunally and Marianne, he would have died to protect them.</p><p>At least, the Lelouch I knew was like that.</p><p>Suzaku…I saw the storm in his eyes, and knew there was a depth of anger within him. But he fought those feelings in order to be kind to the people around him...</p><p>I don't believe we are born 'good' or 'bad'. I think we have a certain propensity to do good things and bad in our lives. The people who are generous and compassionate as Suzaku was when we were together…Those people have to fight the darkness inside them, clawing at their heart, desperate to be let out.</p><p>I loved them…At different times and in different measures. But, as I sit here, now, waiting for this confrontation that must take place - knowing that I must choose between them… </p><p>I'm also painfully aware... </p><p>They've both lost to the darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. So Many Firsts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Euphemia POV.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>            When I chose to accept the Vice Governorship of Area 11, I had no idea that I would fall in love.  I had tried, all my life to be interested in someone. The girls at my school went on dates or had boyfriends. Most had already received their first kiss. They teased me about being prudish, but I had my share of…healthy thoughts about sex. I think the reason I didn't date was because part of me still mourned the loss of…too many.</p><p>            My mother, Aunt Marianne, Lelouch, Nunally.... </p><p>            I'd seen Suzaku on television, accused of murdering my half-brother Clovis. But, as soon as I saw the boy’s eyes, I knew… I knew, somewhere deep inside me - it wasn't true. </p><p>            I hadn't expected to meet him in person. Especially…not the way I did.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             Suzaku sat nearby, our mutual companion - the stray cat I’d found and couldn’t help but bandage its paw - no longer between us. He stared in some other direction. His sunglasses hid his eyes; his large hands  curled and resting on his thighs. "Euphie, why did you tell me that lie when we met? About someone chasing you?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I caught a glimpse of Cornelia's hired guard in a black convoy vehicle – they'd already found out I was missing! I glanced back at Suzaku. He looked so serious!  "Do you ask because you’re concerned about me?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Uh, um, I— of course!"  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I grinned and tugged on his arm. For such a big guy, he let me pull him to his feet. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Good! Then you can accompany some more? Just a little longer…" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            He gave me my first kiss, took me on my first date…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             Suzaku tugged at the Windsor knot above his collarbone. The suit was of good quality, but since it was one of Schneizel’s… The shirt collar seemed a tad large at the neck; and the sleeves were just a bit short. But, I still thought he looked… Appealing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Are you sure it's," he craned his neck one way and then the other, "all right for me to be here?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I swallowed my bite of salad and dabbed at my mouth before speaking. I gave him a sweet smile that I hoped would put him at ease. "You're my knight. It's expected you'd be in my company." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "But, we're having dinner together." A frown creased his features and he shrugged his shoulders forward and back. "I don't even know whose suit I'm wearing." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I couldn't help but giggle. "Your knight uniform is beautiful, but I thought this would be a bit more comfortable?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Anything with a tie isn't what I'd consider comfortable." He spoke to his dinner plate. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I smoothed my hands over the napkin in my lap. "When dinner is over, we can remove your tie. You don't need it to dance." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "D-dance?" He looked up at me from across the small table; green eyes wide and his mouth turned down on both sides. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Of course." I covered my grin with the tips of my fingers. It was so easy to tease him. And so fun. I really shouldn’t have taken advantage of his kindness, but… I also wanted - I hoped that he would find these activities fun. That being with me, treating him like a proper knight - that he would be...kinder to himself over time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>              That he could learn to see himself as I saw him: courageous, noble, warm... </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "You can't take me on a date without dancing with me at least once." </em>
</p><p><em>             "But I!" He dropped his fork; it clanged against his dinner plate. I saw his hands grip the sides of the table. "This isn't! It’s not </em> <em> really </em> <em> taking you on a date." His eyebrows pinched upwards, and he looked away from me. He lowered his voice, and said: "Although, it's nicer than what I could afford." </em></p><p>
  <em>             "Suzaku?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Yeah. I mean, yes, my lady?" He stared at some fixed point behind me. I waited for him to meet my gaze. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Sorrowful green eyes finally looked at me. "Everything I have is yours. It's not much compared to my older siblings, but—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He shot to his feet. "I can't accept…" He shook his head. "Anything like that. I-I," he held out his hands. "I want to make my own way. I don't mean to be ungrateful, Euphie, I just…" He stepped towards me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Of course he wouldn’t let me take care of him the way I wanted to. For all his kindness, he was stubborn and proud. Like someone else I used to know… "I understand. But…" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "What's wrong?" He moved closer. I looked down at the napkin in my lap and smoothed my hands over it again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "It's just that…" I took a breath. I could try to explain how I felt to him. I couldn’t get through to Cornelia or Schneizel, but maybe Suzaku would understand… </em>
</p><p><em>             "I want to do something, to be…" </em> <em> I closed my eyes for a moment. "More than just decoration." I opened my eyes and stood up; I reached for his hands - so warm even if they were rough from his duties as a soldier.  </em></p><p>
  <em>             "So I'd like it very much, if it's not too much of a burden…" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Our fingers tangled together; he stared at me - his glance darting to my neckline and then my lips before meeting my gaze. "Euphie?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I stepped closer. "Is there room, do you think, for me to make my way with you?" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            He became my first and only lover. So many firsts, but not my first love.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             "Lelouch!" I stood in his bedroom doorway, grasping the door handle - wanting to shake him. He finally glanced up from his chess match on the computer.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em>            "It's almost time for the fireworks to start." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He grunted and returned his attention to the screen.  "I'm busy." </em>
</p><p><em>             I released the handle and stepped inside. "Lelouch! You've been ignoring me </em><em>all</em> <em>day</em><em>."</em></p><p>
  <em>             "I'm not ignoring you." I heard a clicking noise, and something moved on the computer monitor. "If I was ignoring you, I wouldn't speak to you." His eyes stared at the monitor even as he ‘so graciously’ spoke to me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>            "I'm speaking. I'm just busy." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "But you're going to miss the fireworks!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "They'll have them again next year." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Next year? But that was so far away! "But I wanted to watch them with you." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He frowned at his game. "I'm sure Mother and Nunally—" </em>
</p><p><em>             Tears welled in my eyes and I tried to wipe them away before he saw. "But I wanted to watch them </em> <em> with <span class="u">you</span>. </em> <em> " </em></p><p>
  <em>             Something changed, moved. He turned and looked at me, his boyish features pinched into a frown. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Come with me?" I held out my hand to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He smiled. A loud boom shattered the quiet of the house. I jumped. "They're already starting!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             We laughed as we ran to the backyard, tripping over the grass to spill onto the lawn. He sat beside me. I tugged on his sleeve. "It's better if you lay down. It's like they're right above us." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Lelouch nodded and then laid down beside me. Nunally joined us on the ground. It was a beautiful night, filled with the scent of wildflowers. The fireworks popped and fizzed; I felt my heart soar every time a new jewel sparkled through the sky. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I turned to look at him, but Lelouch wasn't smiling. I reached over to tug on his sleeve again and get his attention, but he caught my hand with his - and held it. Light streaked across the sky in a jumble of colors. They swirled and danced, then fell back to the earth.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>            When the last one fizzled out, I sat up. I felt like running through the garden, and was about to propose a ridiculous thing like a game of midnight tag, when his hand squeezed mine.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Lelouch rose to sit beside me. His eyes shone the same color as the tropical water lilies Aunt Marianne grew in her pond – so blue they looked almost purple. They sparkled with light from the stars. "Euphie…" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I smiled. "Yes?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "I-I liked watching you dance. At your recital." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I scooted closer. I felt his fingers combing pieces of my hair. I leaned against his arm.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Let's stay and watch the stars." </em>
</p><hr/><p>            I know we both believed in that memory. It was...so precious to me. And when we met again, on Shikinejima island, all those years later… You told me in your own way - that it was precious to you, too.</p><p>            That I was…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             "The stars haven’t changed. Have they?" I sighed. "They were the same back then."Lelouch sat nearby, but he wasn't lying next to me.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>            "Long ago, we used to gaze up at the stars together. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could live like that again? I would be so happy, then."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He didn't respond. Perhaps it was just fantasy all along – that he loved me the same way I had always loved him.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Can’t we go back to that?" My heart tore and bled cold liquid into my chest. I felt like crying. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Yes, you’re right. It would be so good to just go back to how things were." You didn’t look at me… So, you didn’t see.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             But my tears were ones of joy.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            That was Lelouch. One moment, he could make me want to cry until my heart broke and I never felt again. The next, he was filling it until I overflowed. </p><p>            I tried to hate him – for Clovis, for Suzaku…for Nunally.</p><p>            For the Japanese people that… I killed.</p><p>            But, if there's one thing I've found, it's that hate…blinds us like a pair of black lenses over our eyes. It shuts us off from the people who love us. It makes us feel alone in the midst of…so many. We look and all we see is darkness - a night sky without its beautiful stars.</p><p>            The person we hate doesn't feel the pain of our feelings. Only we do. </p><p>             Only I did. </p><p>            My lone defense would be to empty this heart completely. But, I have so many memories…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             "Suzaku!" I tumbled forward into his chest. "You really are terrible at dancing." I giggled as I tried to step away, and put proper distance between us again. His arms held me in place. I looked up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Just in time to accept his mouth – moving and pressing against mine. I think I forgot to breathe. His arms tightened around my waist…  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            I gave up on dancing for the night, and asked him to walk me to my room. His face looked flushed, and I hoped it was because he felt as I did…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             "And this is where I take my leave." He gave me a bow and then swept his arm towards my bedroom door. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Oh?" I hid my smile behind my fingertips again. He really was...so sweet. And adorable. An unfamiliar ache had settled in my chest while we were dancing. And I remembered how Cornelia looked at Guilford when he first became her knight… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I lowered my voice and took his hand in mine. "You're not coming in?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             His eyes widened. "Eu-Euphie, I!" He ducked his head. "I hope that I didn't give you the impression—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "You did indeed, Suzaku." I forced my voice to sound confident, unwavering.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "I-I'm sorry, princess." Red crept into his cheeks. "I didn't mean to be so forward, I just—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. I brushed his hand against my cheek before pressing his palm against my waist.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>            "I want you to stay…" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>            How many nights have I spent in his arms? Not nearly enough when we lived in that other time, that other life. And in this place, I still love him.  I love him for everything he is, and despite everything we both have done.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>             "Sometimes, when you look at me." I sat up in bed. The sheet slipped down to my waist - but I no longer felt the need to hide from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>              "I find myself wondering if you're here because you love me - or because you hate Lelouch." I turned away from him and looked over at the windows to the outside world. I felt a chill in the air; a shiver ran down my spine. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             His hand felt warm on my shoulder. His palms smooth in this place, this lifetime. He pulled me back, against his chest. "I only hate him for what he did to you, Euphie. Because I—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I brought my hand up to cover his. "And now that we're here, together, in this time and place, without the prejudice, without a war to take you away from me." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his neck. "Is there anything left to hate him for?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             Suzaku’s left arm tightened around my waist. His voice sounded gruff against my ear. "For your nightmares. For your pain. For taking you away from me." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "But you promised…you wouldn't leave me." I drew a line down his cheek with my fingertips. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "I won't, but—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "If we could spend…every night just like this. Would you still—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He moved so he could see my face. Clouded green eyes stared down at me. "Why are you asking me this?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Because you were friends once, weren't you? And if I should move on because what happened is in the past, why should I…Why should I let you wallow in your hatred?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "Euphie?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "I want to see those warm eyes I fell in love with. Suzaku…" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "I-I can't, Euphie." He released me and pulled away. "I'm afraid…I'm not the person I was when you were…When I was…with you." He rose from the bed, pulling on his boxers and slacks. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             I found myself missing his warmth. "But, you're—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "The person I was before…" He stood up straight, his back turned towards me; shoulders square like in his military days. "Was who I...pretended to be." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             He pulled on his shirt. But, where was he going? He’d been staying in my room for weeks… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>             "When I lost…" He hung his head for a moment, then threaded his fingers through his hair. "Do you know…I used to hope you weren't somewhere watching me?" His voice sounded hoarse and strained. "Seeing the things I did?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Suzaku turned and looked at me, then. And part of me wished he hadn’t. That look, the torment from our other life - it was still there. Tearing at him. Devouring him from the inside out.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>           My heart felt… Crushed. I wanted so much… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>          "I know, despite everything people said, I knew you'd hate it. That I killed...so many. How can you—" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>           I whipped the sheets from my body and rose to my feet. I moved, wearing nothing at all, around the bed - then, dove into his arms. I held onto him, my hands gripping his shirt, my tears wetting his neck. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>           One arm slid around my waist. He gently stroked my hair. "I've loved…everything about you. Since we met." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>           "I know." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>           I still do…</p><hr/><p>            The world we came from, the world we live in now…Neither place is as kind and gentle as I had once hoped. I'm not the person I once was, either. Nor do I really know who I am…or who I'm supposed to be.</p><p>            Aunt Marianne says I'm meant to be Lelouch's wife. </p><p>            A queen. </p><p>            A ruler.</p><p>            But how can I rule this place? These people? How could I possibly marry Lelouch, much less face him, again?  He made me do…such dreadful things. Aunt Marianne said it was an accident, that she was even partially to blame. </p><p>            But all I can remember is screaming, begging him to help me…</p><p>            I remember reaching out to him, wanting to save him from the loneliness I could see in his eyes.  </p><p>            I know at one time, I longed to be near him.  </p><p>            Yet this place…this place is so empty. The people speak and move with no expression on their faces. Only Aunt Marianne and Suzaku seem to have anything left of their hearts. </p><p>            I feel the emptiness in the middle of the night. But with Suzaku beside me.... How could I go back to being without him?  I'm afraid…I'm afraid I'm just not strong enough…</p><p>            I once hoped that Lelouch and Suzaku and I could be together with Nunally. That we could be a family. That we could…make the world a gentler place. But as I stand here by my window, waiting to hear his footfalls outside my door – I know he's finally arrived in this place – I don't have anything left to hope for.</p><p>            Suzaku will hate Lelouch whether I become Queen of Camelot or refuse to rule at the king's side.  And Lelouch…who knows what goes through his mind these days? I can't say he's anyone I recognize. </p><p><em>             It's just a memory of love, that's all I have left. </em> I remind myself as footsteps echo down the hall. The sound slips in through the crack beneath the door.  My heart races and my stomach twists into a chain of knots.</p><p>            If he asks me to choose…Choose to marry him or to stay by Suzaku's side… I don't think I can make that choice.</p><p>            But, what else can I do?</p><p>            I fought this power once and lost. The results...terrible and terrifying. I don’t think…</p><p>            I don’t think I’m strong enough to face the night alone.</p><hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I think it makes the most sense to post the next story: Zero Consideration (Suzaku's POV) before the Euphemia / Lelouch confrontation story: All That I've Done.</p><p>Preview to <b> Zero Consideration</b>  (Suzaku POV):</p><p>       The Elevens called me a traitor, a dog of Britannia. To the Britannians, I was a bastard, lower than low. But to me, I was like you the day those Japanese kids caught you coming back from town when we were ten-years-old. You looked pitiful, lame – crouching over your shopping basket instead of fighting back.</p><p>        Seven years later, I was the one cowering, trying to protect the little pride I had left as the rest of the world kicked and hurled their insults. The only thing I had was the only thing they couldn't take from me.</p><p>	I was alive. By my own power. Not my father's influence…</p><p>	I made sure of that by joining the Britannian military, where my father's name was only a hindrance to my survival. But the day she literally fell from the sky into my life was the day that everything began to change.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>        "I'm glad I found you."</i></p><p> </p><p>        I was so weak, and she asked to borrow my strength. I don't know if she expected too much of me, or saw perhaps the reflection of something I used to be. Maybe she was like me when I stopped those kids that ganged up on you - she just didn't like it when people bullied the weak.</p><p> </p><p>Preview to <b>All That I've Done</b> (Euphemia POV):</p><p>       The door scrapes across the threshold. I see the sliver of yellow light reflect in the window, then disappear. His footsteps echo in the chamber. I don't turn around. It's the only way I can listen to what he's come to tell me. It's the only way I can keep myself… </p><p>	I've always been an emotional person. Today, just like the last time Lelouch and I met, I don't believe that's in my favor.</p><p>	His steps grow louder, closer. Then stop. Metal sings and I see a flash of light catch in the glass. Something heavy clunks against the wood steps that lead to this 'sitting room'. A rustle of fabric. I swallow against the burning lump that's formed in the back of my throat.</p><p>	"Your highness."</p><p>	Cool air turns my skin into a million goosebumps. </p><p>	"Hm. It seems…I find myself without words. Ironic, I think, considering how many speeches I gave in that other life. But…facing you, now. When I fear there is much that needs to be said…Simple words could once again be my downfall. Or dare I say…our downfall, Euphie?"</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>THANK YOU so so much for reading. Love, ~Rose</p></blockquote></div></div>
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